


Little One

by tooyoung_toodumb



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:08:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21531964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tooyoung_toodumb/pseuds/tooyoung_toodumb
Summary: James loves November. Much more now than Ben is part of his life
Relationships: Ben Chilwell/James Maddison
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	Little One

"Wake up, November is heeere!" the boy jumps on the bed hugging -or almost suffocating- his friend under the covers.

James loves November. First of all because it's his birth month and he loves his birthday, being able to look back and think about how his life has changed in those twelve months. The ability to set new goals to be achieved during the next year. The unpredictability of everything but the certainty of being better and better every day.

Ben complains. "How did you get in?" the boy mumbles, buried under the weight of the boy who is crushing him, rubbing his cheek along the arm of his friend.

"I slept here Chilly, remember?" he murmurs in a soft tone very close to his ear and the brunette should really add a blanket to his bed because the temperature dropped dramatically in those days.

Ben sighs as he passes a hand over his face, usually in the morning it takes him a whole minute to wake up completely. And sleeping with James, who is constantly hyperactive, doesn't work in his favour. Not at all.

"It's November, Ben" repeats the blonde again, this time more calmly but always as excited as a child, and straddling Ben's legs who is turned on his side and watching his eyes shine for a reason he can't catch. 

"I know, Madders. Just yesterday it was Halloween" he says knowingly, earning a pinch on his side that makes him twitch.

"Beeen" he complains by jumping slightly on his side while the boy giggles slightly below him and tries to stop the rush of pinches that are inevitably coming on his body.

"Okay okay, enough" he murmurs frantically after a while, in the action he managed to move and put himself in a more comfortable position and now he finds himself just trapped between James' legs. Looking down on him and the heavy blankets should be in the guest room closet. "Why are you so excited?"

"Really you don't remember?" murmurs James looking down. For a moment his face loses its smile, then peeps out again shaking his head as if nothing had happened and jumping back on his legs. His hands open to hold on to Ben's chest, who may suddenly not need all those new blankets. "Can wait for my birthday, little one" he hums slightly forward.

And the guttural sound that comes from Ben causes a shake along the back for both of them. “Don’t. Not the time yet”

The truth is that growing up and goals were something James had always done since he was a child. Like New Year's resolutions, only his year had always begun since his birthday. Setting goals was challenging and he had learned that even if he couldn't get them all off his list during the year, the important thing was to try and do his best. Always be satisfied even with the smallest and most insignificant goal achieved because overall it's the small things that make a person great. He kept them all in a box in his closet and doesn't deny that when he is down, he reread them to have a laugh and find his focus again. The purposes to hold on to in order to overcome the moments of vacillation.

But since Ben had become part of his life, November had also become something else. He was anxiously waiting for his birthday because from there to Ben's, on the 21st of the following month, he would be older than him. And it may have seemed like a nonsense to strangers, and probably it was. But seeing him roll his eyes with that smirk that betrayed his fun. The slight shade of pink on his cheeks when the others playing alongside with him. His fake bothered face at which he always tries not to burst into laughing because come on, how can a face so sweet get so angry?

Twenty-eight days. Twenty-eight days in which to act as a 'big' when in reality he’s only looking for attention from his _little one_. Twenty-eight days of pure madness, when everything was forgiven. Because no matter how annoyed he seems, there are still a lot of attention from James. And those twenty-eight days always passed too fast.

-

The first message he sees on the phone as soon as he opens his eyes is from Ben. By midnight he had text him, nothing so sappy or mellow. A simple 'Happy Birthday Madders x' and he had smiled because he was practically two rooms away and yet when he touched a soft surface, it was difficult to get him up. ‘Thanks little one xx' had been his answer and the conversation had continued with a series of angry and crying faces from Ben, to whom he had responded with a smiley face sending kisses and a smile on his lips. And at the bottom left there is a huge red heart beating, the brunette had sent him a few minutes before, and he remains staring at him like a fool. As the phone continues to vibrate for the various messages and notifications that are coming.

They have an away game that day and he is ready to wear his club's shirt and represent it, doing his best, even on that special day for him.

Breakfast proceeds in the confusion of having a room booked only for them. The boys sang him the usual birthday song, replacing the cake with a croissant. The inevitable cheap candle that had almost melted on the food and some photos taken for the occasion. Then everyone had returned to focus on the game, there would be time for the celebrations. Hoping with an extra victory on the belt.

-

They had come to pick him up and, in a hurry, he had crumpled up the blue sheet and left it on the table. He would have thought about it when he came back. He certainly didn't want to be fined the day before his birthday. The list could have waited, if nothing else it would have removed certain thoughts from his head.

But he had to know that things didn't always go as planned. His grandmother always told him, haste makes waste. And many times he had paid the price. Without ever learning the lesson, you could add.

He had opened the door to his house, entering with Ben in behind him. The boy had made a small stop at his house just to put down his small suitcase and then spend the evening with James as planned. But he really felt the need for a hot shower and so he left Ben alone, as if he were at his own home.

It had taken him about ten minutes, and when he went down to the kitchen he swears his heart stopped beating for a second before he threw himself at the boy and literally pulled the note out of his hands.

"I..." he's out of breath, his throat is closing and the air hardly reaches his lungs. And fortunately his brain is able to force his legs to run away from that room, which seems to be getting smaller as the seconds pass. And he goes to lock himself in his room.

His chest rises and falls irregularly, he can't calm down. He knows he's ruined everything, it's so obvious. How did it occur to him to write that thing? Taken by a moment of anger, he throws the lamp against the wall and stays still, staring at the countless pieces that are scattered around the room.

A bit like him at that moment. Only that the lamp is broken, it's no longer useful. He will throw it away and probably replace it. But he can’t do this with himself, he’ll have to live with that broken piece inside his chest forever.

He doesn't know how he feels at the moment, he just knows that his heart continues to beat so fast and his ears make a dull, almost annoying sound.

"James" Ben's voice comes muffled through the door as he tries to lower the handle and enter, "James, please let me in" he prays from outside, but he shakes his head passing a hand through his hair and lets himself fall to the ground. His back rests against the bed and his head between his legs, just like when he was a child and no one chose him in his team because he was too small.

On the list he had written for his 22nd birthday, almost all the point were checked. He had managed to be called into the England senior squad and have his first game time, to have a good season at Leicester, to work hard and be a volunteer. But there was one point on which he couldn't and would never put a line on top. It was a point he would continue to write forever. It meant friendship, support, health, companionship, love.

He remembers clearly when he added it. They had hastily returned home after a thunderstorm had caught them in the fresh air and his eyes had looked at him differently while the boy was intent on rubbing his hair with a towel. Smiling, showing his white teeth and with a special light in his eyes. He'd been on those lists all his life and never once had he fervently wanted to add a point like in that moment.

Three letters on the bottom of the sheet, hastily written with the interested person in the next room. Nothing else.

But he had suddenly filled in the new one and, once it was over, going to check again he had actually realized what he had written. _Kissing Ben._ He had panicked, convinced that someone would have been able to read it -even though it had never happened in the almost ten years before- and had erased the point with countless lines, crumpling the paper and throwing it on the table away from him. And well, then everything went wrong.

Of all the people with whom he might even have made up some stupid excuse. No, it had to be him. A choked scream comes out of his lips, muffled by his legs. But it's audible to the boy sitting out there who stands up and walks away with an idea in his head.

In the room, James hears the steps moving away and goes into full panic mode. Now he really thinks that the brunette has gotten fed up with him and his behaviour and has definitively left his house and his life forever.

Well done James, now everytime you’ll think about your birthday you- but he’s forced out of his thoughts by a sheet of paper slipping under the door. With his eyes still glossy, he crawls towards it and takes it. Ben on the other side smiles slightly as the sheet disappears and takes a shaking breath.

To do list:

  * _Persuading James to always call me little one (I love it btw x)_
  * _Having James around for the rest of my life_
  * _Play alongside James forever_
  * _Kissing James_
  * _Asking James out for a date_



That's what he reads on the paper once it's in focus and he has to double check to make sure he hasn't got it wrong.

That's when he locks the door and Ben opens it. The two are sitting on either side of the door with crossed legs, looking into each other's eyes looking for something. Truth, mock, hesitation, love, words. No one knows. There are only their eyes establishing a new contact between them, studying themselves shy as if they had never seen each other before.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a thought for the birthday boy, hope you like it x   
> If you wanna read other stuff, [@chilly_me_softly](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/chilly-me-softly)


End file.
